I Am Divorcing and We Have Children
Divorce now follows the no-fault regime under the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020. The two big things you cannot get from the divorce itself — child arrangements and financial settlement — run alongside it. This guide walks through the whole process in the order it actually happens.
Estimated timeline
Since 6 April 2022 you no longer prove fault or blame. Apply online at gov.uk/divorce (court fee £593, fee remission EX160 if on benefits). Either party can apply solo or jointly. The statement that the marriage has irretrievably broken down is conclusive — the court does not investigate. After 20 weeks (reflection period), you apply for the Conditional Order; after a further 6 weeks you apply for the Final Order. Minimum timeline: 26 weeks. Children are not part of the divorce decree itself.
Child arrangements cover with whom the children live, who they spend time with, and contact (in person, video, calls). The Children Act 1989 (section 1) makes child welfare the paramount consideration. Most parents agree arrangements without court — through direct discussion, family mediation, or a parenting plan. If you cannot agree, you must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before applying for a Child Arrangements Order (Form C100, fee £255). Domestic abuse, urgent risk, and certain other situations exempt you from MIAM.
Child maintenance is calculated separately from the divorce. The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) at gov.uk uses a statutory formula based on the paying parent's gross income, number of qualifying children, and overnights with the paying parent. Most parents use Direct Pay (CMS calculates, parents pay directly) which is free. Collect Service costs 20% on top for the paying parent and 4% for the receiving parent. You can also agree a family-based arrangement outside CMS — flexible but not enforceable.
Financial settlement covers: matrimonial home (sale, transfer, deferred sale), pensions (sharing, offsetting, attachment orders), capital, income (spousal maintenance), and debts. The Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 s.25 lists the factors the court considers — including the welfare of any child of the family. Most settlements are agreed and then converted into a Consent Order signed by the judge — this makes them legally binding and prevents future claims. Without a Consent Order, financial claims can technically be reopened years later (Wyatt v Vince [2015]).
If you and your spouse cannot live together safely (domestic abuse) or one of you needs to occupy the home for the children, you can apply for an Occupation Order under section 33 Family Law Act 1996. This is separate from the divorce. Non-Molestation Orders (s.42 FLA 1996) protect you and the children from threats, harassment, or violence. Both are emergency remedies — apply via the family court using Form FL401, often without notice to the abuser. Breach of a non-molestation order is a criminal offence.
Family mediation is faster, cheaper (often free for one party via Legal Aid mediation voucher schemes) and less adversarial. The mediator does not decide — they help you reach agreement. For child arrangements, mediation succeeds in around 70% of cases. For financial settlement, mediation often works alongside legal advice. Court is the route when mediation fails, when there is abuse, or when one party hides assets. Litigation costs: £10,000-£100,000+ per side depending on complexity. Always try to settle.
After the Final Order: practical follow-ups
Update your will (the divorce automatically removes your former spouse as executor or beneficiary, but other clauses need a new will). Update your pension and life insurance nominations. Notify HMRC for tax purposes. Apply for the Marriage Allowance restoration if relevant. Tell your mortgage lender if the property is being transferred. Update the council tax (single-person discount if you live alone now). Tell your children's schools and GP of changes in contact details and any contact arrangements. If you remarry, sort out the Marriage Allowance and any pension or trust implications.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need a solicitor?
Can I get spousal maintenance?
My ex is hiding assets. What can I do?
Will the children have to choose between us?
Official bodies and resources
Citizens Advice
CharityProvides free, confidential, and independent advice on a wide range of issues including benefits, housing, debt, and employment.
Related guides
No-Fault Divorce
The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 fundamentally changed divorce law in England and Wales when it came into force in April 2022. For the first time, couples can end a marriage without having to allege fault — such as adultery or unreasonable behaviour — against each other. The process is now simpler, less adversarial, and can be completed jointly or by one spouse alone.
9 min
Child Arrangements Orders
A Child Arrangements Order (CAO) is a court order setting out the arrangements for where a child lives and how much time they spend with each parent or other person. They replaced the old residence and contact orders in 2014. The family court encourages parents to agree arrangements without court intervention, and before making an application you must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) in most cases. The court's primary concern in every case is the welfare of the child.
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Child Maintenance Service
Child maintenance is money paid by the non-resident parent (the parent the child does not live with most of the time) to the parent with care to help meet the child's everyday needs. The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) is the government body responsible for calculating, collecting, and enforcing child maintenance in Great Britain. Most parents are encouraged to reach a "family-based arrangement" before turning to the CMS, but the CMS provides a backstop when agreement cannot be reached.
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Financial Settlement on Divorce
Sorting out finances is often the most complex and contentious part of a divorce. The family court can make a wide range of financial remedy orders — covering property, pensions, savings, and maintenance — based on the needs of both parties, their contributions, and the length of the marriage.
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Domestic Abuse Legal Protection
Domestic abuse is a serious crime and the law provides important protections for victims. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 significantly strengthened the legal framework in England and Wales, broadening the definition of abuse, creating new criminal offences, and establishing new protective orders. If you are at risk of or experiencing domestic abuse, you can access legal protection quickly — often within 24 hours in genuine emergencies.
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Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM)
Before you can apply to the family court to resolve disputes about children, finances after separation, or other family matters, you must usually attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). The MIAM is a short meeting with a trained family mediator who explains what mediation involves and assesses whether it is suitable for your case. It is not mediation itself — it is an information-gathering step. The cost is typically around £140 per person, and legal aid may waive this entirely if you qualify.
7 min
Consent Orders After Divorce
If you have reached a financial agreement with your former spouse after divorce, you should convert that agreement into a court-approved consent order. Without a court order, your financial claims remain open indefinitely — a former spouse could make a claim against you years or even decades later. A consent order provides legal finality.
6 min
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